I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
