Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
