"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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