My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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