I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
