This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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