you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
