I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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