Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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