I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
