They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It was a blind-side dick pic.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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