"it" just moved
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
