I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
