I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
don't judge my taste in strippers
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
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