I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
