I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize