My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
