my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize