She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
