I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
