I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
