just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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