Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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