Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
