margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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