Whod you bang
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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