just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
