dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
