also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
