By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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