Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
they need to just BURY HIM!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.