I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.