The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.