A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird