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• (208): View more from Idaho

  I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.

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• (906): View more from Michigan

  Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you

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• (660): View more from Missouri

  How did you make it to work sans hangover?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm off the liquor

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.

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• (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.

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