Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
