just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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