I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
