Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dicks are not precious.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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