A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
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