I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
