you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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