Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
