You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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