Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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