I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
