There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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