I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
how drunk are you?
Several
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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