so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
A+ Viking dick
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