Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
