she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
