but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
