Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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