but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
