I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
