This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
