I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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