I cannot find my penis.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
