I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
