Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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