i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
