Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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