no. you can't hotbox the world.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
