Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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