Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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