You're a womanizer and a bitch.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize