I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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