It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize