i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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