wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
