So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
