literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
