Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
