I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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