We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He did a backflip because drugs
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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